Hey loves! I know it’s been a while but I’m back and I have a lengthy blog post for ya. I promise it’ll be good, so sit back, grab a snack and get comfortable.
In regards to the title, all I can say is that it has been real on my end. The enemy has been playing with my entire life and I have pretty much been going with the flow. The month of January was pretty difficult for me, as I experienced quite a few tests and trials. In this season, instead of doing things that would bring me closer to my purpose I literally put everything on halt, including Journeying Soul which I contemplated ending for good. This is pretty difficult for me to write about because I’d rather keep my life private or manage on my own, but that would not be fair. Through every trial there is a lesson, and it would be selfish of me to keep what I am learning to myself when someone else may be experiencing the same thing.
Directly after the holiday season, I posted on Instagram about the joy that God has brought me, and I encouraged others to choose God in the new year. A few days later, everything started to go downhill (In the moment I should have realized that I was being tested but I didn’t, and I failed with a big fat F.) My school situation was in shambles and no matter how hard I tried it seemed like nothing could fix it (I am in a pivotal transition season at school.) As more issues arose, I began to feel discouraged and honestly depressed (+not in a dramatic sense.) I spent many of my days in isolation, scrolling aimlessly through social media or staring at the walls while I cried. To top it off, the enemy started making me question myself, my abilities and my own truth.
Clearly you don’t trust God 100% with your situation, and if you don’t trust God then why are you even playing yourself? Where is this joy that you wanted to share with everyone, did it just disappear? And why are you even posting on Journeying Soul when you’re clearly not qualified to do so?
The more I dwelled on those questions, the more I allowed them to define me. I started to accept a false narrative of myself and that is something that I am currently trying to break away from.
I felt like a failure, because I realized that I don’t trust God 100% when troubles arise (especially surrounding school,) but I was reminded by a SIC that I am not alone. Nobody is perfect, and I am not the only Christian in the world struggling with total surrender and trust. This doesn’t mean that I should allow that mistrust to become a regularity in my life, but I am aware that it is okay to not be so hard on myself. What truly matters is that I press forward and get closer to God; so that in times of trouble my faith will take precedence over my emotions.
During my time of trial, I allowed my emotions to pull me away from Christ when I should have clung closer to him in those moments. That is the reason that I felt like my Joy had vanished.
Rick Warren says,
“Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright and the determined choice to praise God in EVERY situation.”
This is the most amazing description of genuine Joy. Joy is not governed by emotions, as emotions are constantly changing. Joy is dependent on your (my) ability to trust and praise God in every situation, good or bad. Though it may be easier said than done, this is something that I am challenging myself to do daily.
Lastly, Christ makes me qualified. God placed this space (JS) on my heart, and when he did that I was not perfect (nor am I now.) In the Bible, God rarely chose perfect people to carry out his will. He chose imperfect people who were willing to be used by him. In Lecrae’s song Broken, he says, “I’m just a broken instrument in the hands of the greatest.” This line resonates with me immensely. It is a reminder that although I’m not perfect I serve a perfect God; and the fact that I am willing to be used by him causes me to be qualified. With that being said, ending the blog is clearly not an option.
I didn’t write this to say that I’ve figured it all out and life is back to normal because that is absolutely not true. I wrote this to be transparent and encourage anyone who may be in the midst of a trial. There are still days where I wake up on E and I don’t want to do anything but stay in bed. The only difference is that I am learning (+ trying very hard) to praise God, especially when I am feeling sorrowful. Doing this has been quite difficult, but I know it will be beneficial to my progress. My journey with joy, trust, faith, and even God feels like it is just beginning and I can’t wait to see how intentionality in these areas will help me grow.
If you are experiencing a test, I want to encourage you to cling to Christ even tighter than normal and more importantly, I want you to know that you are not alone. Life is a journey, and we are all going through it together.
Sending love your way on this Super Bowl Sunday ❣️